


It Has Always Been You

by ClairDeLune316



Category: Blink-182
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-25
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-02-22 14:31:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2511113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClairDeLune316/pseuds/ClairDeLune316
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mark gets a new job in New York. But what he doesn't expect is that not only the new job is waiting for him there. So what happens when he meets there Tom, a boy, now a man, from his past who has affected him like no one else in his whole life, and when they split up in quite not the prettiest way?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



Now:

Mark stepped out of the Starbucks with vanilla coffee in one hand, and with his phone in the other hand. He still had time, but he would rather be in his new work way too early than to be late. The streets of New York were full of people by this time, everyone with coffees and phones in their hands, the highways full of cars. This was his second week in New York actually, and he was surprised by himself that he got used to the life in such a big city so easily. But that was good thing.

New York was that kind of a city that never sleeps. Never. And its streets are full of people and stores and restaurants and banks and shops and full of smoke.  Mark could tell because he had some problems with orientation in city big like this. He got lost several times when he arrived here, but since his first three days here, he mapped all the new territory and got used to the full smoky streets. It wasn't that hard because California isn't small, so he had no problem with getting used to New York. But still, New York is New York and California is California.

„I am curious how you will go to your new work Marky,“ Travis said, the day he helped him to settle in in his new flat. „You got lost on the second street from here, man. And your work is at least twenty blocks far from here.“ Travis started to walk around the room with the nervous face, avoiding all the mess on the floor.

Mark knew that Travis was worried about him, he has known this guy for too long. Sometimes  it looked like they can read each other's minds, that well they knew each other.

„Dude, everything will be fine, don't worry. I won't get lost again. I mapped it all here with you, remember? There's no way I can get lost again“ Mark said with smile. He knew that he couldn't do anything about this because there was no way to convince Travis. He had to convince himself on his own.

„Yeah, you're right.“ Travis replied, but didn't look him in the eyes. Travis was that type of guy that really cared about their loved ones, but they would never admit it. He turned to that big window in his living room. „At least you have view here like Batman.“

Mark laughed. He knew Travis was worried, but he knew he will be fine. Same as Mark will be fine. Everything will be fine.

Both of them crashed into the Mark's couch and took the slice of cheese pizza they ordered.

„Anyway, you can still come back to California if you won't like it here.“ Travis said, with mouth full of pizza, rather for himself than for Mark. They turned on Mark's new TV and started watching some TV shows.

Travis stayed with him in New York next couple of days to make sure that his friend was okay here and then returned back to California.

Mark was kinda worried that Travis won't be here with him, because he was like his brother. He knew that he will miss him, but they will visit each other regulary every month. They made a deal that Travis will come here first months at the last weekends until Mark settle here more and then Mark will come to California to visit Travis.  And, still, there's skype and mobile phones so....everything was going to be fine. He knew that opportunity like this will never happen again, so he couldn't say no to this job.

Mark continued his way to his work with headphones in his ears and with the sweet taste of  his coffee. People were just passing around him, everyone in hurry,  when somebody just literally ran to him.

„What the-“ Mark blurted, surprised. The taller man crashed into him that he almost dropped his coffee.

 „Oh, I'm so sorry!“ the man started apologizing, while  he was collecting his papers that he dropped because of the crash. It wasn't easy because of all the people that were running along the street with no attention for the rest of the world. The man looked like he was in hurry too, and his gestures  and messy hair were saying that this wasn't his morning.

Mark bent down to help the man collect his papers, when he got to see his face. 

His heart skipped a beat and he stopped breathing for a while.

_Oh god...This couldn't be real. No._

The other man looked him right into the face and yes, this was real. He was hundred percent sure that he has seen this big brown eyes. And he knew to whom they belong.

„Tom?“ Mark gasped, not able to focus on the papers.

The man gave him confused look when it shot him.

„Mark? Mark Hoppus?“ Tom asked in disbelief. He lost interest in his papers and focused his eyes on Mark. That gave him the familiar feeling in his stomach and made his guts curl.

„Yes, it's me.“ Mark said, little dazed. He still wasn't sure this was happening. The last time he saw Tom was around five years ago!

Tom was still looking at him with surprised eyes, when Mark realized that they were squatting in the middle of the street. He found himslef and started to collect other papers and after a while, Tom helped him. It seemed that Tom was as shocked by this whole thing as Mark was.

They collected all the papers when they got up. Mark gave Tom the papers he collected with unconscious hint of smile on his lips. Tom _has_ changed.

„Thank you.“ Tom said and smiled gratefully. The other man nodded, more to the ground than to him.

_Oh god, it was really Tom._

„So, how are you doing? It's been a while.“ The taller man asked, still with the smile on his lips.

„I'm good. And you? “ Mark said, trying to not sound that nervous as he felt.

„Oh man, I'm in the best time of my life!“ Tom said with laugh, all the happiness on his face. „But what are you doing here, in New York? I thought you love California more than anything.“ The caring smile on his lips replaced the laugh. Mark felt his guts curl even more. He felt....weird.

„I got a job here.“ Mark said simply.

„Oh.....that must be some kind of dream job that you left California for it.“ Tom said with the curiosity on his face.

Mark smiled at him. Tom was still that friendly guy he used to know. And that scared him.

Tom looked at watch on his wrist and his eyebrows frowned.

_Wait, since when does Tom wear watch?_

Mark's eyebrows frowned too, but not for the same reason. Since when does Tom wear watch?

„Hey, Mark, I gotta go. See you around.“ Tom said again, this time with apologetic look in his eyes. He waved him and then disappeared in the crowd of people in the street as quickly as he ran to him.

Mark turned around, totally dazed, and continued his way to his work again. He still couldn't believe what just happened. He just saw Tom. He took a gulp of his vanilla coffee and tried to focus on the world around him. But as he was expecting, he couldn't think of anything else than he just met Tom again. And how much he has changed.

 

_ Then: _

_ 5 Years Ago: _

_„So, are you coming to let´s-finish-this-year-party?“ Chad asked him, nudging him to his ribs with his elbow as they went out of the college building. He thought it was stupid name for an opening party for the college year._

_„Maybe, I don't know.“ Mark said. He wasn't quite sure that he wanted to go to that party. Even for him were two parties in a row  with a total hangover he still had too much._

_Yesterday, he, Travis and couple of their closest friends were having a goodbye-summer party, and all of them got totally drunk. It was kinda stupid idea because yesterday was Thursday, almost the middle of their first week after their holiday._

_At least they had chance to say goodbye to eachother, because none of them were studying at the same college and their colleges were far from the each others. Mark knew that he won't see his closest friends very often now, so he was glad that they had this  „party“ just for themselves. But, as always, they promised that they will call eachother everyday, so everything was normal. This was their final year of college, and they planned huge trip around US after it, so he couldn't wait to finally get this year finished and it hasn't even started yet._

_„Oh, come on , man! Are you seriously telling me that you, Mark Hoppus, the biggest party animal I have ever seen, is not going to our opening party? Probably the most important party of the whole year?“ Chad said in disbelief, disappointment on his face._

_„Dude, if you haven't noticed yet, I'm having a hangover here. I'm surprised I could normally pay attention at the lectures today.“ Mark said in self-defence. „And to you are all the parties most important.“ He laughed and Chad gave him fake offended look._

_But he could understood Chad, he and Chad were the biggest party animals on the whole college. They were at every party, and they always left all the parties with the last ones. People from the college called them The party knights. But between each party was always at leat one day off of the parties, so Mark could get over every hangover he had._

_„Oh, come on, man,“ he said again, „You can't do this to me! By the way, guess who willl be there? All the pretty boys from the Art college.“ Chad said with challenging smile on his face, as he pointed over to the opposite side of the highway. Right in front of their school, at the other side of the highway was Art college. It was famous by all the handsome boys and pretty girls that studied there._

_Mark looked where Chad pointed. The sun was shining, a soft wind was passing around everyone and everything. He started to think. He really wanted to go to that party, it was a lot better than another lonely night at student residence. And if he'd go to that party, it didn't mean that he has to drink there._

_„Okay, then. You convinced me.“ Mark sighed and smiled at him._

_„Great!“ Chad said, all happy. „Okay man, I gotta go. See ya at the party.“ He said and waved him._

_Mark looked around and went to the studend residence._

_..._

 

_Mark felt the music in the night club not far from his college beat in his bones, but he tried not to dance. He was sitting at the bar, second mochito in his right hand. It was alcoholic, but with the minimum of alcohol. He knew that he didn't want to drink here, but that drink wasn't fully alcoholic and oh crap he didn't care anymore. Tomorrow is Saturday, so he will be able to get over his future headache at the free day._

_Chad was dancing with some girl from the Art college and it looked like he was going to get a little fuck at the toilets. At least someone will have a little fun. But now, Mark felt totally fucked up. Like every other night in his life._

_His college grade rented this bar for tonight for the opening party and it seemed like tonight Mark wasn't going to stay here to the end. He was here about an hour now and he was bored. Of course there were some hot guys, mostly from the Art college, but tonight they just weren't enough for him. He was sure that if this was another time, he would go there and flirt with one of them and get a little fuck too, but tonight he just didn't feel to it. He just wanted to go to his room at the student residence and get some sleep._

_He drank his second mochito and paid for it, ready to leave when someone sat next to him._

_„Hi,“ that someone said. Mark looked him up from head to toe, and he had to admit that this boy was really handsome. He was tall, probably taller than Mark, and he had that big brown eyes and little longer thick brown hair, that were falling him softly in the eyes and his lower lip was pierced. He was wearing The Descendants t-shirt and jeans._

_„Hi, who are you?“ Mark asked quickly and casually. He didn't mean to be rude, but although this boy was seriously beautiful, he just wanted to go and get some sleep finally._

_„My name is Tom,“ he said with shy smile. „What's your name?“_

_„I'm Mark.“ He said. He looked at him again. He knew Tom felt a little uncomfortable under his attentive eyes, it was well visible on his face, but Mark didn't care. This Tom couldn't study at his university, he would notice that face earlier. „You're from Art college, aren't you?“_

_„Yeah, how do you know?“ Tom asked with curiosity. Mark just shook his head. He really wasn't going to tell that boy how attractive he was._

_„You belong to the journalists right?“ Tom asked after a while of awkward silence._

_„Yup.“ Mark said simply. Honestly, he didn't like that journalists paid for renting this bar and for the whole party, they were collecting money for this two weeks ago, and then some guys from Art college think that they can come and get drunk for free. He paid for this party too and he didn't like idea that he just paid drinks for some stranger._

_„So....you like The Cure?“ Tom asked him again after while of awkward silnce. Thankfully, there was music beating around the whole club, so there wasn't actual silence. But it was still awkward anyway._

_Mark looked at him with suspicous eyes. How on earth Tom knows he likes The Cure? Like Tom could read his mind, he said: „You're wearing The Cure t-shirt.“_

_Right. Of course._

_Other time Mark would feel at least little bit stupid but now, he didn't care._

_He just smiled and said: „Right, And yes, I like The Cure.“_

_„Awesome, I like them too!“ Tom said enthusiastically. „ I think Robert Smith is musical genius. What's your favourite song by them?“_

_Mark smiled. He loved The Cure. Maybe this Tom was cool guy. „I think it is Just Like Heaven.“_

_„Yeah, I love that one too.“ He smiled. „Do you know Descendants? “_

_Of course he knew Deccendants! Descendants was one of his favourite bands!_

_„Yes, I do. I totally love them.“ Mark replied with casual expression. He didn't want to seem too excited about this whole we-love-same-music! thing. But he couldn't say that about Tom. He looked like he was about to start jumping sixteen metres high because of all the sudden happiness. He looked kinda cute. He smiled widely and Mark caught himself staring at his pierced lower lip and thinking abou kissing that little metal ring._

_He shook his head again. He wanted to go and get some sleep. Little fuck would be nice but not now. He was way too tired for his little fucks at the toilets and one night stands._

_The music beats started getting harder and louder when Tom stood up. God, he was taller than Mark expected._

_„Would you like to dance?“ Tom asked with wide smile, light reflected from the metal ring, his hand stretched toward Mark. Mark looked him right to the face. He didn't know, but one part of him actually wanted to stay and go dance with him. His dirty part. Maybe he could get little fuck._

_Mark just shook his head in positive response and grabbed Tom's hand. He leaded them to the crowd of dancing people, when he found the right place and started dancing._

_In first minutes  their dancing was like best friends dancing, not too much touching that Mark really started to think that his chance for little fuck was smaller and smaller, but then after few minutes, when the right song came on, Tom turned into a dirty dancer. Mark couldn't believe his eyes when Tom started seriously touching him, hanging on him. But Mark didn't hesitate. No. His chance for kissing that lower lip was bigger and bigger and he was going to take that chance with everything it included._

_After few more seconds there was that familiar heat between them, hands everywhere, touches everywhere and even after few more seconds, kisses everywhere. Tom was kissing him on his neck, sucking gently and then he pressed his lips on Mark's. Mark took his chance and sucked that lower lip, licking that little metal ring that was all around his head now and kissing him harder than he meant, but Tom didn't seem to not like it, his response was even harder than Mark's kiss._

_So, maybe Tom wasn't that type of innocent boy he seemed to be. In Mark's opinion, he just wanted a little fuck, and Mark was going to be his little fuck. He forgot about how tired he was, he wanted little fun, especially now, when such a hot boy like Tom was pressing his body against Mark's own. So, he was very pleased when Tom suggested to go to his place._

 


	2. Chapter 2

Now:

 

Mark felt completely overwhelmed when he stepped in to the Fuse TV building.

_God, that was Tom! Tom Delonge!_

Mark couldn't believe what just happened. All the way here he was thinking about him. How much he has changed. God, he got even taller! His hair was lighter, and that little metal ring on his lower lip disappeared. Mark got surprised by the sudden disappointment that shot him with the thought of that little metal ring.

He shook his head. He should really, REALLY, stop thinking like this. It wasn't  conducive at all, and he REALLY shouldn't think this way in his work.

He headed to the „Interview Room“, and threw now empty coffee cup into the trash. He took off his dark-blue coat and tossed it on the Moderator chair.

He was.....Mark was...scared that he saw Tom. God he hasn't seen him five years and they didn't split up in that nice way in which two people didn't hurt each other.

„Hi, Mark!“ Amanda, one of their sound engineers, said happily and brought him back to the presence. He didn't notice her coming.

„Hey Amanda,“ Mark said with friendly smile. He liked Amanda, she was that nice girl who always made you smile. „How are you?“

„Good, and you? Are you nervous? Today is going to be your first inteview, man.“ Amanda said with supportive smile and gave him excited look.

Yeah, he was nervous, completely nervous. But until now his thoughts were just about Tom and now, when he added stress of his first interview to the stress of Tom, it felt like breathing was hard for him. He felt like he was going to collapse.

Amanda surely noticed his helpless eyes, so she softly squezed his right shoulder with her small hand. „Don't worry, Mark. If you weren't the best for this job, they wouldn't employ you. Everything will be great, just don't worry.“ She said with another supportive smile, smirked and then left him standing next to his chair.

Yeah, Amanda was right. He just had to calm himself. If he weren't good enough, then the employers wouldn't call him and they wouldn't offer him this dream job.

After all, it was a total coincidence that he got this job. After he finished his Journalistic college, he and Travis and their closest friends went to their trip around US. And they wanted to make fun, so they made this funny reportages about every single state they visited and posted them on Youtube. And, of course, Mark was the reporter. So, his employers, the owners of the Fuse TV somehow saw that vidoes and called him. They said he is really good and offered him a job – moderator of Fuse TV, he was supposed to do interviews with musicians and bands.  First he thought that call was just beautiful dream, but it was reality. He was the happiest man in the whole universe in that moment. That call was better than anything! He always wanted to be journalist, and he always loved music, so when his two favourite things came to him as one employment, he immediately shouted yes! to his cell phone.

So, there was nothing to be scared of, when he got this job even without ordinary job interview.

That calmed him. He felt so much better and breathing wasn't hard for him anymore. He sat on his chair and picked out his papers from his bag. There were his interview questions, but he knew he won't ask according to them. They were just his Plan B, if something would go wrong. But he hoped he wouldn't have to look at that papers for help. He loved journalism and he loved music, so there shouldn't be any problems.

When he calmed down, he realized he was kinda looking forward to that interview. This was his first real chance to show his talent, and he wasn't hesitating anymore.

 

_ Then: _

_ 5 years ago: _

_  
_

_Mark woke up to unexpected cold, because suddenly he didn't feel the sheets on his body. He yanked and stretched himself a little, trying to grab the sheets and pull them his way, when the sheets disappeared again. He moaned unhappily and forced himself to open his tired eyes. His head started spinning and then he felt a flash of pain through his head. Oh god._

_He sat slowly, rubbing his hands all over his face. His head stopped spinning, but the pain didn't leave him. He looked around, confused about the sheets, when he realized that he wasn't in his room at the student residence._

_Oh crap._

_Some guy was laying next to him, showing him his exposed back. What the-?_

_But all over the sudden, memories started coming his way. That guy, his name was...Tom! He came to him last night and...they were talking about music. Tom was really pleased when he found out that Mark liked same bands like he._

_But Mark knew that he didn't want to spend night anywhere else but his in room at the student residence. But then he remembered Tom's wild smile with that metal ring on his lower lip when he asked him for that dance and Mark just couldn't refuse._

_And then they ended up here, in Tom's bed. When Mark replayed last night in his head again, ignoring the aching pain, he still wouldn't refuse if this happened again._

_Sex with Tom was incredible! It was full of heat, biting, teasing, kissing and sucking, and he was all serious when he told to himself that he hasn't had better sex in his whole life. He could tell, even with the terrible headache._

_He turned his face to Tom's back again and smiled. Maybe this guy wasn't that innocent as he seemed to be-no, surely he wasn't even one tenth of innocence, actually, after night with him Mark thought Tom was far far away from innocence._

_He looked at that brown hair which was one big mess right now and shook his head. It was time for him to disappear. Again. But this time it was at least easy because Tom was asleep and he wouldn't have to explain why he had to go._

_He was glad Tom was asleep, because with this headache he had, he wouldn't be able to even think of some fake excuses he was always saying after his one night stands._

_He put on himself his clothes that were thrown all over the floor. He chuckled on the thought of his last night with Tom._

_Yeah, he was gonna miss that awesome sex, but Mark never slept with one person twice. Never._

_When he was putting the last piece of his outfit on himself,  his jacket, he heard yawn from the bed. Mark automatically froze. Great. Tom was awake now and Mark couldn't think of some fake excuse for himself because his headache was getting more and more unbearable._

_„Mark?“ Tom said, with soft and sleepy voice, his messy hair falling him into even softer and sleepier eyes. Mark froze even more. He turned to him._

_„Hey, Tom,“ oh thank god he didn't forget his name. It has happened to him several times  recently, that he forgot names of his one night stands, and with all the serious, nobody wants to forget the name of his one night stand right in front of that one one night stand. Mark hated to see that disappointment on faces of his one night stands, when they realized that last night was nothing for Mark._

_„You're leaving?“ Tom asked, his voice less sleepy, but still sleepy. Mark didn't want to see the disappointment on Tom's face, but that was more than obvious that he wasn't gonna  avoid it. So, let's just let it happen quickly so he can all that disappointment throw behind him._

_„Yes, Tom. I'm leaving.“ Mark said, avoiding Tom's face._

_There was a moment of silence when Tom said: „Okay, close the door behind yourself then.“ He said like he didn't care. Mark looked at him with surprised wide eyes. What just happened?_

_Tom just shrugged and went back to sleep. Mark was still looking at him, open mouthed. Was this really happening? Tom didn't care that he was leaving?_

_After a while he found himself still staring at now half asleep Tom, and turned his face away from him promptly._

_Mark headed to the door of Tom's bedroom and looked at him again. He was showing him his back again and he was breathing regulary, so Mark could tell he was full asleep now._

_Maybe Tom wanted this to be one night stand too. Maybe he was like Mark, maybe he didn't want a relationship, maybe he wanted just sex. Mark looked away, glad that this went so easily, and pushed the door handle._

 


	3. Chapter 3

_ Then: _

_ 5 years ago: _

_Mark closed the door probably of Tom´s flat, as he stepped outside of it. He was still shocked_ _by Tom´s behavior this morning, and completely surprised. He thought that the only look he'll get from him will be the disappointed look, but obviously, he was wrong. It looked like Tom didn't care if he stays or leaves. And that was good. Mark was suprised, yes, but he was surprised in the positive way._

_As he was walking to the elevetor, he realized that Tom lived in penthouse. Penthouse. And everything was telling him that the penthouse belonged to Tom, or to his family and he was living there on his own, because when he was walking through the living room and kitchen, there was that mess that only a college students can do. And all that furniture and even the whole building and elevator looked really expensive and luxury._

_Tom was obviously one of that rich kids from the rich families. But Mark didn't have much to say about that, because he was one of that rich kids too._

_Door of the elevetor opened and Mark walked in._

_God, his dad paid pretty much money for the best Journalistic College and for really luxury student residence, he even paid an extra fee for him to have his room just for himself, no roommates. That much he wanted Mark to disappear from his life._

_He sighed heavily, when the elevator door opened again and he stepped in to the ground floor. He found way out of the tall, deluxe building that reminded him one in which his mother lived for now with his sister, and sighed even more heavier than previously._

_He pushed the entrance door and got outside of the building. He looked up and, god, that building was even taller than he thought._

_He needed to look around to discover where he was now, because he didn't remember a damn thing of his way here, to Tom's place. Great._

_After a while, when he still didn't know, he asked one of the passing people, an older woman with blonde hair and freckles, and with friendly smile on her face. He asked her where he was, she gave him suspicious look, but then she answered. Mark thanked her and then she left._

_He sighed again._

_He was at least twenty-five blocks far from his Journalistic college. It was seriously long walk from here to his college, so he rather started walking._

_God, how did he and Tom get here in the first place?_

_He shook his head, tried not to focus on that terrible pain he felt. At least he was having healthy morning-walking....He hated that. He was never good at looking at things from the brighter side.  If he had some money with him, he would pay taxi and let himslef to be driven right in front of the student residence. But no, of course he didn't have money with him, because he spent them for his drinks at the bar last night._

_He was so tired, his head was full of flashes of pain and he just wanted to curl up in his bed and sleep all day and then call Travis._

_Travis. He was so thankful for Travis. He didn't know what he would do without that guy. Travis helped him when he needed that the most, and calls with him were the best parts of his usual day._

_Mark started to walk little faster and wished he was already in his bed with headphones in his ears._

Now:

 

Mark was breathing slowly as he reminded himself everything was going to be fine. No, not just fine. Everything was going to be perfect.

He was walking in circles around the whole „stage“, where he was going to make his first interview as a modetor of the Fuse TV.

On the stage, there was this one big red sofa on the left side, where the band members and solo musicians and the artists were supposed to sit. Next to this comfortable looking sofa was one armchair on the right side of the stage, also red and also comfortable looking, where he was supposed to sit.

All the lights were turned on, and he suddenly felt the need of the old good and big comfortable shadow where nobody would notice him.

_Oh come on, man! Stop!_

Mark stopped walking in circles and stepped off of the stage. He went to the big wooden table with food and drinks at the other end of the spacious room, it was their little „swedish table“ that was never empty during the work days.

He took a bottle of water and eagerly drank almost half of the content of the bottle.

Maybe there was nothing to be nervous about, like he thought earlier that day, but as his first interview here was coming closer and closer, he started to feel more and more nervous and his hesitance started to appear again.

He breathed slowly and sighed. What was wrong with him?

He shook his head and headed to the stage again and sat on that red armchair that was waiting just for him right now. He had no reason to be nervous, and like Amanda said, everything was going to be okay, they wouldn't employ him if he weren't the best for this job, so he breathed once more and with the last sigh calmed himself a little bit again.

He started to find their sound engineers with his eyes, and after a while he found them on the left side of the room. Amanda was talking about something with one of the sound engineers, the big man with dark short hair and strict face, his name was Jim maybe, he didn't know that for sure, and when she caught his eyes, she smiled at him with that warm supportive smile of hers. That calmed him even more and he returned her smile with all his gratefulness. She smirked at him and returned back to her conversation.

He was glad that someone like Amanda was working here. He didn't mean that the other people working here were unfriendly or something like that, but they weren't Amanda, she was like the local supporter here, when someone was in trouble or just felt totally fucked up, they went to Amanda and their day was brighter even immediately.

Mark focused his eyes on the red sofa next to him once more, and felt better. He felt like five years old boy who just needed the supportive smile from his teacher or maybe his mother, and Amanda just gave him that smile. He felt better, but a little embarassed too. He was a grown man now, there were supposed to be no smiles he would need, and still, he needed them. He shook his head again, refusing to think this way, when his interview came. The band called Nickleback entered the room with loud laugh and Mark was just relieved. He could work with this laugh. Suddenly, he just couldn't wait to meet these guys face-to-face, and he couldn't wait for his first interview.


	4. Chapter 4

_ Then: _

_ 5 years ago: _

__

_Mark stepped out of the club toilets and put on his jacket. He got into the crowd of dancing people again and the music was beating in his ears again and he was breathing the air that smelled of cigarettes, heat and club itself again. He walked out of the club toilets for the fourth time tonight and he was about to get to the student residence and get some sleep before college. He pulled out his cell phone from his jeans pocket and checked the time. It was half past eleven and it was Wednesday and he had his morning lectures tomorrow, so it was better for him to go to his room now._

_He started to passing through the dancing crowd, trying to avoid the „touching people“. „The touching people“ were the ones who never had enough sex and they were able to stay at the club till the closing. But honestly, Mark used to be one of them._

_Now, as he got closer and closer to the exit doors, he was all satisfied-insatisfied. Yes, he came here for little fucks, and he got his little fucks, this time even four little fucks, but they weren't enough for him. They would be enough for him last week, but since his night with that Tom guy, it seemed like every one night stand, every little fuck he had after that night, that all was just nothing comparing it to his night with Tom. That sex he had with him, it was just so incredible. Tom was like fucking master. Mark couldn't believe he was still thinking about his night with Tom even after a whole week. He even couldn't believe he still hadn't forget his name by now! It has been whole seven days now since his amazing one night stand with Tom, and it seemed like he won't be able to delete it from his head for another week. It just felt like....like every sex he had, it was nothing comparing it to sex with Tom._

_Mark got to the exit door, sighed and breathed that smoke in the club once more, reminded how places like this used to be his home, and pushed the door. He headed to his student residence, this time with  money for the cab._

Now:

 

„Goodnight, guys!“ Mark shouted once more, right before he closed the entrance door of the Fuse building. He checked his mobile phone and started walking to his new flat. It was half past six in the evening and he just finished all his work for today, and he felt really good. His interview went unbelievably good and the guys from Nickelback were just awesome and the interview was full of joking, laughing and the guys even said some really private stuff about their new album and tour, so Mark was the happiest man under the sun during his work. When the interview was done, the guys even invited him to hang out with them sometimes! Mark felt like his dreams became true, he was in New York, he had his dream job and everything was going awesomly easy here, and Travis was supposed to come to see him in the end of this month!

The wide smile was spreading slowly on his lips while he was walking home, when he froze. He was just right on that block where Tom ran into him this morning.

He completely forgot about Tom. The butterflies started to fly in his stomach wildly and his smile disappeared. Knowing that Tom was here in New York with him, even if New York was one of the biggest cities in the whole world, gave Mark feeling of anxiety. His heart started beating faster and faster as he imagined Tom's face, always so kind, his smile, always so supportive and so lovely and always revealing his teeth, his eyes, so deep and brown, in which he used to get lost, always so cheerful, sometimes with that familiar dirty look that was followed by his soft hands which were always settled on his shoulders, hips, waist and his long arms that used to be wrapped around him almost every night and his kisses, oh his kisses, they were irreplaceable and so soft and so passionate with that little metal ring of his and-wait, what?

Someone just crashed into him, murmuring something about his consciousness, when he realized what he was doing. He was just standing there, right at that place where Tom ran into him, remembering all the details about Tom from his past while a crowd of people was passing aroud him.

What was he thinking? That the fact that Tom is here will change anything? Of course not! Nothing could change the stupid past and Mark accepted that long time ago. He got through that thing he and Tom had, whatever it was and he put it all behind him. It took him lots of days till he was able to start to live again like normal human being, and it took him even more to forget, although, as he could see now, he didn't forget a single thing and that made him shiver. It all was just unbelievable that Tom had his effect on Mark even after years and he even didn't need to be next to him to make him realize that.

Mark just sighed and started walking again when his cell phone started ringing in his pocket. Mark looked at the display and there was Travis's name smiling at him.

„Hi, man!“ Mark said with little smile on his lips. He was so thankful for this distraction.

„Hey, Marky! How are you? I saw your interview on TV, you rock man!“ Travis said with clear excitement. Mark just smiled even wider.

„Oh, man, the interview was so awesome! The Nickelback guys were just amazing! They even asked me to hang out with them sometimes!“

„Well, dude, keep this job a little longer and we will be friends with every rock band that exists.“ Travis laughed and his statement made Mark feel so much better.

„And what about you, man, do you have something new?“

„Well, nothing, just Yelawolf and me are working on our new album.“ Travis said proudly.

„What?-“ Mark had to stop walking, „Really? Travis, are you serious, dude? Have you really finally convinced him?“

„Yes, I am totally completely serious! Can you imagine just how much success can this album give to me? And to him too, but he is already famous.“ Travis shouted on the other end and laughed so hard. Mark could imagine him smiling widely.

„Travis, man, congratulations! You're going to be the world most famous drummer ever!“ Mark said, proud of his best friend, and started walking again. „Anyway, Yelawolf would be such a fool if he said no to you.“

„Oh thanks, man! We are gonna so celebrate when I come to see ya. I have already booked my flight.“

Mark grinned all happy, even Travis couldn't see him, but he was sure Travis knew.

„And what about New York? Have you met someone interesting yet?“ Travis asked with true interest, and Mark started to feel butterflies again.

„Actually, I have,“ Mark said carefully. „I met Tom again.“

There was a little pause on the other end when Travis said: „Wait, do you mean Tom Delonge? The guy from the Art college?“

„Yep.“

„Ouch, man. Are you alright?“ Travis asked, and Mark could see his worried eyes.

„Yes, I am. Don't worry, man. I got this. I got through  him, remember?“ Mark said, half lying, half saying the truth. He got this, yes, but as he proved to himself just a while ago, he hasn't got through Tom even after five years.

„And what is he doing in New York anyway?“ Travis asked. Mark remembered that Travis and Tom got along pretty well.

„I don't know. He ran to me this morning and he was really in hurry, so we didn't have the chance to speak much. He just asked me what I'm doing here and then he left.“ Mark said simply, regretting quietly why the hell didn't he look at that papers?? He would at least know a little bit about Tom's current life.

„Well, that's a pity.“ Travis said carefully.

„Yep, it is. I would like to know what he is doing now, you know.“ Mark said, not sure what his statement was supposed to mean, but thank God Travis let go of it.

„Yeah man, I gotta go. Need to get some rest. I'll call you again tomorrow, okay?“

„Okay, bye man.“

„Bye.“

Mark put his cell phone back to his coat pocket and continued his way back home, a hundred percent sure his thoughts will fly around his memories of Tom all the way home and all the time he will be at home.

 


	5. Chapter 5

_ Then: _

_ 5 years ago: _

_Mark was sitting at the college cafeteria with Chad, flipping through the notes he wrote during his morning lectures. The first semester just started and he thought it was too much for the start._

_He was drinking his black coffee with whipped cream and no sugar, when Chad said: „You know man, we should go to the club tonight.“_

_Mark looked at him with disbelief in his eyes. They were at the club yesterday, and they stayed there till the half past eleven and today they had their morning lectures, Mark had his headache again because of the lack of sleep and now he was checking his notes about which he thought they were too much and that was only a start._

_„C'mon, man! We won't have any time to go to have fun soon!“ Chad said with puppy eyes._

_„Man, I need to get some sleep. And besides, I rememeber you had fun yesterday. Five times.“ Mark said, then raised his eyebrows._

_„What? You had fun four times. That's not such a difference.“ Chad started to defend himself, and Mark laughed softly. He knew Chad, and he knew himself. He knew that Chad will convince him anytime soon._

_Mark took a gulp of his black coffee and looked at Chad again._

_Chad gave him his best fake offended look and Mark laughed again._

_„Dude, the guys from the Art college will be there too.“ Chad said after a while, then pointing across the street where the Art college was._

_Mark shivered a little at the memory of that Tom guy. Hell, he still couldn't forget him. How was that even possible?_

_He peeked to that building at which Chad was still pointing, and sighed. Chad knew what that sigh meant, so he laughed and clapped his hands._

_„Once, you'll be the death of mine, remember that.“ Mark said with a hint of smile on his face._

_„Oh, I will.“ Chad told him with laugh and then happily leaned against the chair, with his own coffee in his hands._

_..._

_Mark was dancing with some guy whose name he forgot almost immediately as he started to dance with him. The guy came to him when he was sitting at the bar and they were talking at first, but Mark found the guy so boring that he stopped listening to him after few minutes of that pointless conversation._

_The music was beating in his ears and he felt the familiar smoke of the club in his nose again. Somehow, the smell of the club was calming him, because it was the promise of an upcoming pleasure._

_Chad was dancing with some girl from the Art college somewhere here in the club but Mark did not know where and he was sure he won't see him at least for another hour, because this was the second girl he was dancing with tonight._

_The guy he was dancing with started to touch Mark more and more with the passing time and the distance between them was slowly but surly disappearing.  Mark felt....weird. He really did not like the guy, but the thought of pleasure was keeping him dancing with him. He knew that was stupid excuse for him, but honestly, he couldn't care less._

_When the song was coming to its end, the guy started to tug Mark to the familiar club toilets, which he knew better than he should, and Mark just smiled.  With this one guy it went really easy, he didn't even need to flirt with the guy to get him to the club toilets. When they made it through the crowd of dancing people to the toilets,  Mark dragged them both to the one cabin and he finally started to have some fun here._

_After a while he stepped out of the cabin and headed to the one free sink to wash his hands, he always washed his hands, because the club toilets are not quite the most clean place in the world, when the guy went out of the cabin too. He looked at Mark through the reflection in the mirror,  and god his hair was one big mess. What was Mark supposed to say to that?  He liked playing with hair of the another person during sex._

_The guy smiled at him shyly again through the reflection in the mirror,  but Mark just looked away from him without any emotion._

_The second after it seemed like the guy finally knew that this meant nothing for Mark, because Mark saw from the corner of his eye that disappointed look on the guy's face. Oh, how much Mark hated that look! Like Mark was the worst person on the Earth and even the freaking global warming was his fault! He decided to ignore that, ignore everything in this room and especially the guy with disappointment in his eyes whose name he already forgot. He knew he wasn't the best human being, but surly he wasn't the worst. There were lots of humans that were so much worse than him, and he decided to go with that and with this thought he left the club toilets and the nameless guy._

_He breathed the smoke, the air that smelled after cigarettes, alcohol, sweat and sex as he stepped out of the club toilets, and headed to the bar again._

_He sat down on one bar chair and ordered one alcoholic mochito. He needed to drink something. As the bar man brought his drink to Mark, Mark immediately took a gulp of this delicious drink and felt good again._

_He turned around on the bar chair and looked around the whole club to find his next dance. He was looking cautiously, and it seemed that he found someone, the one guy talking with some of his friends, drinking bear a laughing happily. He seemed that he came here for little fuck too, so if Mark went to him and started to flirt with him and finally went with him to the club toilets, he wouldn't give him that disappointed look which he got from his fisrt little fuck. But serioulsy, what was the guy thinking? That Mark would fall in love with him immediately after they had little fun? Let him laugh! Haha! Things does not work like that in REAL life._

_Oh god, what was wrong with him? He never cared this much about that familiar disappointment in eyes of his little fucks! Seriously, he didn't know what was wrong. But that fact surly couldn't stop him from getting one more pleasure, if not more._

_As he looked again around the whole club, he stood up with the intention to go to the laughing guy and get him to the club toilets, when suddenly, a hand settled on his shoulder, and he almost jumped out of his skin. He turned his head to his right shoulder promptly, when he saw that familiar hand that led to that familar shoulder which led to that face he has been thinking of since that Wednesday night. The Tom guy was smiling at him._

_„Hi, Mark! How are you doin' ?“ he asked with friendly smile and Mark had to blink at least three times in a row to actually believe this was happening. The guy he has been thinking about and the reason why his little fucks weren't that awesome as they used to be was standing next to him with one palm gently pressed against his shoulder, smiling at him with that little metal ring he has been dreaming of almost regulary._

_„Hi, Tom,“ Mark said casually and sat down on his bar chair again. Tom sat next to him and ordered some drink for himself. Mark did not hear what he ordered, because he was too  busy scanning Tom's face, chest and hands, and too busy controlling himself not to jump on him right in that moment._

_Tom turned his face to Mark's direction again, giving him that friendly smile which was revealing his teeth again, and Mark had to try so hard not to stare at that metal ring in Tom's bottom lip, and even harder not to remember all those things he did with it the last Wednesday. And all the things Tom did to him last Wednesday._

_The bar man gave Tom his drink, and it showed that Tom ordered just ordinary water, no alcohol._

_Mark gave Tom questioning look as he pointed out to the glass of water in Tom's hand, and Tom laughed softly._

_„You know, I don't want to have hangover tomorrow. Especially when I have my morning lectures.“ Tom smiled at him again and drank some of the content of the glass, and Mark thought that this Tom  smiled too much._

_Honestly, Mark was surprised that Tom actually cared abut hangover during morning lectures. When Mark was at the club and the next day  he was supposed to have his morning lectures, he didn't care and drank some alcohol anyway. This realization made him feel...little irresponsible._

_He just shrugged that thought off and took a little gulp from his mochito._

_„So, have you had fun yet?“ Tom asked with meaningful look in his eyes and grinned at Mark._

_Wait, why was Tom asking him that? They weren't friends, they didn't even know each other, they just slept together, so why was Tom asking him this?_

_Mark looked at him with suspicious eyes, when it shot him. Maybe Tom haven't had fun yet, and when he saw Mark, maybe he thought that he could sleep with Mark again._

_Mark tried to stop that hungry look that was slowly showing in his eyes as he was looking at Tom._

_Yes, it should offend him that Tom considered him as his Plan B, but Mark didn't care because, oh god, sex with this guy was just incredible, and the thought that he maybe will have that fun with Tom again was making him even hungrier after Tom's company._

_He looked at Tom, and he saw that little metal ring, that little hint of smile that was slowly spreading on his face, and Mark had to really try so hard not to jump on this guy and not to take him right there, on the floor of the night club._

_But, Mark had his rules, and they weren't pointless. He has always followed the rules, and he didn't plan to make any exceptions for this Tom guy, for any guy, even when he desperately wanted to. The rules were just simple, and each one practically meant that Mark never, never slept with one guy twice. So, Mark didn't have any choice here._

_„Um....actually, yes,“ Mark said proudly, and he saw that little hint of smile slowly fading from Tom's face. „I just chose the next one for little fun.“ Mark chuckled and stood up from the bar chair, pursued by Tom's big, brown eyes. He really had to controll himself not to bent down and kiss that Tom's lips._

_„Okay man, good luck then,“ Tom chuckled too, then stood up next to Mark. „Wish me luck,“ he said, smirked at Mark and turned around to fade into the crowd of dancing people._

_Mark watched him, and then sighed. How much he wanted to break his rules!_

_He shrugged again, turned around and headed to that laughing guy._

_..._

_Mark was sitting with Chad at the college cafeteria again, drinking the black coffee with whipped cream and no sugar again. He was still thinking about last night at the club. Yeah, he had fun at the club toilets three times, but he still couldn't shrug off the feeling that they weren't enough. Everytime he closed his eyes he saw Tom and the missed opportunity, and that was making him feel really uncomfortable. When he just imagined how awesome sex he could have, and he said no, he was really mad at himself._

_„What's up with you, man?“ Chad asked him after a while, drinking his own coffee, looking a little bit worried._

_Mark looked at him, as Chad pulled him out of his thoughts._

_„Nothing. 'm just a little tired.“ Mark said casually. He didn't want to and didn't plan to talk about Tom with Chad. He would make fun of him, and Mark wasn't in the mood. He was just really mad at himself that he did let Tom walk away._

_„Then, be glad it's Friday.“ Chad smiled at him and returned his attention to his coffee again. Mark smiled at him too, but at that time he was far  far far gone in his own mind._

_He knew he couldn't continue like this. Seriously, every one night stand, every little fuck at the club toilets were just not enough. And he really hated himself for that, but he just couldn't help himself and compare them all with that one night with Tom. Oh, how he wished he never slept with that guy, he wouldn't have one problem with his one night stands by now. This all was just frustrating and exhaustive, and Mark really did not have the energy and time for this kind of thoughts. He just had to figure this thing, whatever it was, out. Maybe, if he and Tom would set up some new rules, maybe they would make it work, but Mark just did not know. He already had his own, old rules that were well-established. And he had time to think some things up in his head, and if he really thought that they would be able to make that something work, he could just simply go to Tom. Tom's college was across the street and Mark remembered the way to Tom's flat, but that wasn't that thing that was making him worried more and more he was thinking about this thing in his head. But, he had time. He had time to consider and pre-consider all the things and rules till tomorrow, because some the guys from the Art college planned their party on Saturday, and almost the whole both colleges, Mark's one and Tom's one were going to go there, and Mark was hundred percent sure Tom will be there too._

 


	6. Chapter 6

Now:

 

Mark arrived home after five minutes after his phone call with Travis. And, as he assumed, his thoughts were flying just about his memories with Tom. He just couldn't believe that Tom was in New York with him.

But, oh god, when did he become this pathetic? He didn't need to answer himself, he already knew the answer. Tom had his effect on him ever since their first night together, even if Mark did not realize that in his college years.

He sighed, unlocked the door of his new flat which he slowly started to consider his new home, took off his coat and shoes and let himself crash on his big couch. This day...was exhaustive. He was totally stressed about his first interview almost the whole day, he met Tom this morning and this unexpected meeting was driving him crazy almost the whole day too and he just wanted to go to sleep. But, his first interview went awesomly easy, Travis was working with Yelawolf on their new album and his arrival to New York was coming, and this three amazing things were keeping small smile on his face.

He sat, softly rubbing his face and he turned on his TV. He left his living room with News sounding in it, stood up and went to the kitchen to make himself a cup of his favourite green tea and get something to eat. There were some leftovers of Chinese food he ordered in the fridge from yesterday, so he picked them and put them in the microwave to heat them up a little, them took his food and tea with him to the living room again, sat on the couch again and switched the News to Cartoon Network. He still couldn't believe that even in the age of 27 he still loved cartoons. He just shrugged in his mind over that thought, he always tried to keep his inner child alive. He never wanted to turn to that adult who already forgot how it was to be child or reckless teenager.

He was eating his dinner and watching anime Dexter, when he slowly started to leave this, his living room, his flat, New York in his mind and went back to his college memories again.

Tom's laughter was gradually filling his ears, and he remembered everything. Literally, everything. He tried so much to forget or just to ignore all the memories and time he spent with Tom that he started to think that he was slowly forgetting him. Really, Mark did not think of him, did not dream of him, did not reach to the other side of the bed thinking that Tom was there with him, it felt like he was slowly moving on and when it finally felt that he finally moved on, finally forgot Tom, the same guy he was trying to forget so hard ran into him this morning. The same guy appeared again. Seriously, what the hack?

Everything was going perfectly  till he met Tom. Now he felt that freaking anxiety deep in his bones just because he met that guy again. Seriously, what the hack?

It wasn't something like Tom will run into him every morning from now, so why the hell was he worried?

Mark just shook his head, he needed to stop thinking like this. He moved on, not in the way he wished as he discovered today while thinking about Tom in the streets of New York but still, he moved on.

He focused his attention on TV again and started to eat his dinner again with one last sigh.

 

_ Then: _

_ 5 years ago: _

_Mark was standing with Chad at some leather couches, both of them drinking some alcohol and scanning other people dancing, drinking, laughing. They were at that big, golf place, where parents, especially fathers of that boys who planned this went to play golf and they owned the whole place. It was gigant, with big course with small hills and green and fresh and soft grass and small lakes, and in the start of this property was standing huge house, no, palace, where all the rich parents went to rest after a long game._

_Some of the students were in the sizeable living room, that was filled with four big leather couches, one fireplace, two big brown-red carpets with mahogany floor, and with again mahogany shelves full of books which tiltes Mark did not bother himself to read because he had just one and only purpose when he came in here._

_Other students were in the other rooms of the house and rest of them were outside at the back porch of the house, also huge, others in the large toilets having their own fun._

_Music was playing there, but Mark did not give it even a tenth of his attention. He was looking for someone he expected to be here._

_„Oh man, this party sucks. This all is just lame,“ Chad sighed._

_„Why?“ Mark asked, surprised. Chad never, never considered a party, any party to be lame. He loved parties, he was the biggest party animal Mark has ever seen in his whole life._

_„I just...this...isn't what I expected. Like really? All the pretty girls are just talking with that Art college guys, and us, journalitsts, they don't even give us a look! I tried to flirt a little, you know, but nothing happened! No response!“_

_Mark just shrugged. He really did not know what to say to that._

_Chad made a frustrated sound and went further to the living room to try his luck again._

_Mark watched him for a while and wished him luck, and them got back to the scanning all the people. Tom still hasn't arrived yet, and that was making Mark feel really...frustrated. God, he couldn't really believe he was doing this. He was waiting for the guy to appear here like some miracle, and Mark just realized how stupid he was. What was he even doing? What was he going to do if the guy suddenly magically appeared?_

_Mark just shook his head, again, maybe the fourth time during this party that he was actually thinking like this. He just sighed._

_He couldn't be in this crowded room anymore, so he started walking to the big, wooden, again mahogany door. Gosh, almost everything in this house was made of mahogany. But, it felt really comfortably, so he stopped thinking like this. Agan, he stopped thinking._

_He got out of the house just to get to the crowded porch. He sighed again and drank almost all the content of his own glass of vodka, at least he thought it was vodka. Although of all his experiences with alcohol, he still couldn't indentify some of it. It was unbelievable. He was unbelievable._

_The liquid burnt his throat a little, leaving little sparks on his fingertips, and he looked around all the people again, when he saw him. The tall body and the broad sholders, black t-shirt and messy brown hair that couldn't belong to anyone but Tom._

_Mark felt a hint of dirty smile on his lips and started walking to Tom like predator._

_Tom was talking with some guy and both of them were laughing loudly, and when he was half way to Tom, the other guy left._

_Perfect._

_Mark did not let his eyes drop off of Tom, and was still walking towards him. After few seconds Tom looked his direction. Tom had to feel his eyes on him, Mark suspected. At first Tom gave him a confused look, though Mark was walking to him with hungry look in his eyes, and then it seemed like Tom finally knew, because he started walking towards him, yet still with innocent eyes._

_„Hey!“ Tom greeted him as they met eventually._

_„Hey,“ Mark said, not casually like he always did next to Tom._

_„I didn't know you'd be here. But, we came to your party too, last Wednesday, so it's just fair you came in here,“ Tom said and smirked at Mark, looking at him with big brown and happy eyes. Mark just nodded and took a few small gulps of his vodka._

_„So....are you having some fun?“ Tom asked after a while, giving an extra emphasis on the last word._

_Mark chuckled. He already knew what Tom here meant, and god, he was soooo glad Tom asked him this._

_„That depends...“ Mark said, not willing to finish his answer, approached a little closer._

_Tom seemed a little bit sheepish after Mark's answer, and Mark felt really great in that exact moment._

_„So, you just wanna stay here, or get away from here?“ Tom asked suddenly, all eager, his breath against Mark's face._

_Yes, this went so painfully quickly, and Mark did not want „this“ to happen before his plan, but he just couldn't resist. Just couldn't, like last Wednesday._

_He put his glass of vodka on the small table on the porch, and then they both took off, running to catch taxi, already kissing and holding each other, Mark finally licking that freaking metal ring that was driving him crazy in his dreams, both of them pressing against each other._

_When they got to the street and to the highway, they catched the cab, and let themselves to be driven to Tom's apartment. It was so hard not to touch Tom in the cab, especially when Tom was sitting so close to Mark that their shoulders and thighs were touching and Mark could feel the heat from the other boy. Oh, how much he just wanted to jump on Tom, not caring they were in the cab or not._

_When they finally reached the target and paid for the taxi, they both jumped off the car and ran to that big luxury and familiar building._

_They ran to the elevator, and when the door of the elevator closed, Mark found himself pressed hard on the wall of the elevator, and he felt Tom's mouth literally everywhere on his neck, sucking at his collarbone._

_He moaned. And then he moaned again._

_Tom continued his way up to Mark's neck, and god, his mouth were like sin and blessing mixed together._

_Mark wrapped his arms around Tom, one hand reaching to his hair, making them more mess than they were just a while ago._

_Tom was kissing him roughly on his neck and chin, mouthing all the way to his lips._

_Mark took the chance immediately after Tom pressed their lips together again and sucked at that metal ring. He didn't know why he was so obsessed with it, but he didn't care. Anyway, Tom seemed to like it too, because he groaned into Mark's mouth, his hands reaching under his t-shirt._

_This all was so familiar, and it all was real. It wasn't just some dream or memory of their last night. And Mark was about to enjoy this as much as he could._

_The elevator door opened, and they automatically and immediately separated their bodies. Luckily, no one was in the hallway waiting for the elevator, so they crashed against each other again, making their way to Tom's apartment._

_He was so lost in Tom's kisses and touches and moanings, that he was surprised when he found both of them on Tom's bed._

 


	7. Chapter 7

_ Then: _

_ Five Years Ago: _

 

_Mark woke up to some shifting in the bed, and he opened his eyes immediately, but yet still involuntarily. When his eyes got used to morning light, he saw Tom lying next to him, still asleep with one arm stretched across his bare chest._

_Oh, shit. Oh, crap._

_He had just broken his number one rule! He had slept with one guy more than once! He tried so much not to break his number one rule for so long, and he had just broken it! What was wrong with him????_

_Mark started panicking, but somehow managed to calm his breathing. A horror was slowly filling his eyes as he was watching Tom._

_He had just broken the rule. Okay, okay, but let's not forget why he's broken it. After all, him breaking his number one rule wasn't entirely his fault. And it either wasn't just his fault that Tom was like a fucking master of sex!_

_And because of this fact, he had a proposal for Tom. A very important proposal that was the reason why he had slept with Tom more than once. So, there was absolutely nothing to be panicking for. It wasn't like he started to feel something for this guy at all, so he could stay calm till Tom wakes up._

_But, staying calm wasn't quite that easy as he thought it would be. Mark was not used to this. Mark wasn't used to see a familiar face after one night stand, so, it was natural for him to start panicking a little._

_This whole situation was just weird and Mark did not like the feeling of it. He felt that anxious feeling in his stomach and he felt really stupid.... and clueless. Really, what was he supposed to do? He surely couldn't just leave like the morning after when they first slept together!_

_He felt like a little child on his first day of primary school, worried that he won't make any friends and he just-wait, when did he become this pathetic?_

_C'mon, Mark!_

_Suddenly, he just couldn't believe what he was doing. He was panicking like a teenage girl._

_But, he was still watching Tom carefully, fearing the moment when Tom wakes up. He was watching his eyes with horror on his face, like Tom was supposed to kill him in the second he opens his eyes._

_Oh god, he just couldn't get stupider. Just couldn't._

_But yet still, Mark was watching Tom cautiously with concerned eyes. This whole thing was totally unusual for him, and that made him feel pretty uncomfortable. That's why he did not do relationships. Things were just too complicated in relationships. With his way, he just got his one night stand and after it, he never saw that person again, and that was it. No complications, no pointless feelings, no worries, no hurt hearts._

_Mark furrowed his eyebrows. He still feared the moment when Tom wakes up, yes, that was pretty obvious, but, after a few minutes, he couldn't wait to see Tom's reactions to his proposal. And  really, what was the worst thing to happen when Tom wakes up? Mark would just explain his proposal and, if Tom said yes, then everything would be great, but, if Tom said no, then nothing, no harm would be done. Yes, that would be such a pity if Tom didn't agree, but that surely wouldn't be the end of the world. And he would just leave like the morning after their first night together, and things would be just as same as they were before this._

_He calmed himself down with this and got his courage back, the horror slowly fading off of his face when there was more shifting from Tom's side of bed, and Mark started panicking again._

_Oh, shit!_

_When the shifting didn't seem to stop, Mark realized that Tom was waking up._

_Oh, shit! Oh, crap!_

_Mark was scanning every move Tom made with terrified eyes._

_Oh, crap! What was he supposed to do? What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to present his proposal?_

_Oh, how he wished he never slept with this guy! He wouldn't be in this situation and he wouldn't break his number one rule!_

_Tom slowly turned to face Mark, and then lazily opened his eyes with a yawn. His dark hair was mess again softly falling him into big brown sleepy eyes, and he looked like a big sleepy innocent puppy. Innocent. Right. Mark knew enough about Tom's innocence._

_He had to chuckle over that thought. It was just unbelievable! Tom, who looked like he would be so much attached to a person he just slept with, and he was a total opposite! And that gave him at least a little bit of his courage back._

_He turned to face Tom with his whole body, waiting for Tom to get fully awake._

_After a few more seconds, Tom looked at Mark with confused eyes, and then it seemed like his memories were coming back to him, because confusion was replaced with concern almost promptly. He was definitely not expecting Mark to be here when he woke up._

_They were watching each other carefully, concern visible on their faces, none of them sure what to do or say._

_Mark saw a light blush appearing on Tom's cheeks, and he was completely confused for a brief moment, when Tom tardily took his arm off of Mark's chest. He gave Mark shy look and Mark just didn't know how to react._

_„Um... good morning?“ Tom blurted out after a couple of seconds, all shy and desperate._

_„Good morning,“ Mark repeated casually, hoping he did not sound as nervous as he felt. Again, why had to be this guy so good at one night stands?_

_„You're not expecting me to start dating you, are you?“ Tom blurted again after few more seconds had passed and Mark just looked at him with disbelief in his eyes, the familiar horror spreading on his face again._

_Wait, what-?_

_He shook his head immediately and his head started to spin painfully. What-? Why did Tom-? Why would Tom think something like that? And why would Tom expect him to want to date him?_

_He closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them again._

_He looked at Tom with now little calmer eyes and face._

_„No, of course not! “ He said defensively, the horror never leaving his face and the anxious feeling never leaving his stomach. Oh, how he wished he never slept with this guy!_

_Tom sighed in relief and the horror on Mark's face started vanishing again._

_Mark breathed a gulp of air. He knew that now was his chance, when they were still watching each other and things got at least a little clearer between them._

_„Listen, I have a proposal for you. And since you look like you're not the relationship type of guy, there should not be a single problem.“ Mark said slowly, his eyes never leaving Tom's face._

_The boy's expression changed a little, his face telling Mark that he had his full attention. He waited for Tom to say something, but he just stayed quiet, waiting for Mark to continue._

_Mark breathed again. He so did not know how to say this._

_„Look, we would just sleep together. We wouldn't talk to each other about our day, colleges, problems or whatever. We wouldn't have to talk at all. We would just sleep together whenever we wanted to. It would be so much easier than go to the bar and have fun on their little uncomfortable toilets. So, what do you say?“ Mark blurted the words out so quickly without using his brain that he didn't know what he just said. He looked at Tom with a question in his eyes, and Tom gave him concentrated look._

 

Now:

 

Mark was walking down the crowded street with his coffee in one hand and headphones on his ears like every usual morning. He was going to his work that he looked forward to every morning, people passing around him, everyone in a hurry. He felt the smell of New York in his nose mixed with the lovely smell of his coffee, and everything was telling him that this was the same usual morning like the every other morning before this one.

And still, something was different today. And he knew what it was, but he didn't want to admit it. He felt that old familiar feeling of anxiety in his stomach that was gradually spreading all over his body as he was getting closer to the one certain spot of this street.

He knew he was being ridiculously stupid, but he couldn't help it.

What if he'll meet him there again? What then?

Tom still wasn't leaving his mind, and that was driving him crazy. That and the fact that he knew about it and even admitted it.

What was wrong with him? He thought that he got over him....

He was getting closer and closer to that one spot, and the anxiety was all over his body already.

_Oh, c'mon, Mark! You can't really mean this! You're acting like a teenage girl!_

But soon the anxiety turned into something strange that Mark couldn't exactly define in that moment.

Tom wasn't there. There were lots of people on the street, but no Tom.

Mark stopped his walking for a brief moment and just breathed a gulp of air.

What was he thinking? And how could he be that pathetic?

Mark just softly shook his head, refusing to think about him, expecting Tom to be here, and continued his way to his work, slowly drinking his coffee.

He didn't feel disappointed or something like that, but he didn't feel as good as he felt when he was walking down this street earlier this morning, too. And maybe, it was good that Tom wasn't here. No, it surely was good that Tom wasn't here.

But Mark shook his head again, shutting down his thoughts, concentrating on music in his ears, letting the little spot of the street behind him with the strange feeling in his guts that he wasn't sure was good or not.

 


	8. Chapter 8

_ Then: _

_ 5 years ago: _

_Mark was looking at Tom's face carefully, scanning every little change in his expression as he was thinking over and over Mark's proposal._

_Oh, shit. He was so nervous. If this worked out..._

_Suddenly, Tom looked him directly in the eyes and Mark's breath caught up in his throat._

_So.... here it was.._

_Tom breathed and then slowly nodded._

_God! Nobody could ever imagine how relieved Mark was when he saw that nod! He breathed out deeply, and looked at Tom with relieved eyes. Tom just chuckled._

_So..it worked out! He couldn't believe it! It worked out!_

_They started to stare at each other once more and after five more seconds Mark realized that they were just lying next to each other in Tom's bed looking at each other, neither of them knew what to say in situation like this and well... that was awkward._

_Mark shifted uncomfortably and then it seemed that the realization hit Tom too, because he stopped staring at Mark promptly and just shifted away like Mark did just a while ago._

_„Okay, so...I guess that I'll see you around.“ Mark said, smiled at Tom and just got up from the bed to put his clothes on, each piece finding somewhere thrown on the floor. Tom was watching him from the bed, making Mark feel uncomfortable again. He didn't like people staring at him, especially people he had just slept with, but he decided to just don't care about it._

_When he finally put all of his clothes on, he headed to the door of Tom's bedroom, turning to see him once more, waving, Tom just chuckled in response and then smirked, showing his back to Mark to drifting off to sleep again._

_Mark turned to the door and pushed the door handle once more, this just looked so familiar, like their first morning after their first night, but this was so much different at the same time. Mark just smiled to himself, leaving Tom in his flat, heading to the student residence all satisfied with himself._

_...._

_Mark got to the student residence sooner than he expected, and that was good. He threw himself on his bed and moaned. He was so tired and he didn't even know why. Well, he knew why. He did not get enough of sleep yesterday night after all. He shifted in his bed so he could find a comfortable position for his Sunday nap. He put out of his jeans pocket his mobile phone and set an alarm for an hour later. He had to study too, so he couldn't afford sleeping for the rest of the day._

_He moaned again. He so much didn't want to go to study. At least he had this one free hour of sleeping. But, it wasn't anything like he didn't want to study because he didn't want to be in college, he was just being lazy at that moment. But well, when wasn't he? There were just so many notes and all the textbooks he had to read and study and that all was just for the start of the term and, god, he felt like his head was about to explode! And he didn't even start studying yet. God. He thought that in his last year of college, he would at least get a little bit used to things._

_Suddenly he felt a sharp pang of guilt. He shouldn't  be complaining, and he for 100% shouldn't be lazy! What would his parents think? That they paid so much money for him and his college and an extra money for him to have his room in student residence all for himself for nothing? To see their son in a shape like this?_

_Another pang of guilt._

_And another one, but this time with the guilt came bitterness too, slowly filling his mouth._

_Well, if his parents still cared about him, then maybe he should be feeling this guilty. It wasn't like his parents still wanted him to be around after their divorce, especially his father. Mark was sure he paid that amount of money just because he wanted to get rid of him. After his father had got divorced with his mother, both of their parents changed and somehow stopped caring about him. At least they still cared about Anne._

_This time, slowly but totally noticeable, came the pang of pain. He knew that everything was just and only his fault, and with that thought he suddenly felt tears forming in his eyes._

_This was the fucking reason why he couldn't be alone in one room with his fucking mind. He shook his head potently and impatiently, and the world around him started to spin the second time today._

_He steadied himself and buried his head deeper in the soft pillow, ignoring the wet spots on it that came from his now surely red eyes. He didn't want to spend his free hour like this._

_He rather stopped thinking, because he knew the result of this thinking wouldn't be anything nice._

_God, he was so tired of this! He couldn't even be alone with his own mind for freaking five minutes without feeling like a Class A Douche!_

_He moaned in frustration this time, not from tiredness, and  put his cell phone on his bedside table and closed his eyes._

_Why was he even thinking?  Everything was going fine, he was studying at his dream college, Tom agreed to his proposal, he had his best friends to call if something went wrong, and Travis promised he would come to see him next weekend, so everything was fine._

_After few minutes Mark finally drifted off to sleep, seeing a pair of big brown eyes._

 

Now:

 

A few days had passed since he met Tom in New York, and every morning of that few days Mark stopped walking and just stood on that one spot where Tom ran into him that one morning, dropping all of his papers. Oh, how had he been regretting  that he hadn't taken a look at that papers! But now, on his way to work, he didn't find himself stopping at that one spot on the street. In fact, he found himself continuing his walking, even without looking back!

Well, it seemed that Mark got finally rid of that feeling he would meet there Tom again. Ever.

And that was good. More than good.

Mark smiled to himself, sipping a little from his coffee, but a little bit unsure of the feeling that the smile quite didn't fit on his face. Like it didn't belong there, like it was something wrong, not right. But not that the smile generally didn't fit here, but something behind it.

This made Mark even more confused, so he just shook his head lightly and continued his way to work without thinking.

 

...

 

„Hey, Mark!“ Amanda greeted him happily, waving him from across the room. Mark waved her back, giving her a happy smile. He didn't know how was that possible, but he seemed to be happier in her presence, just like everybody else.

A few of his colleagues waved him too, with some of them, he had a morning small talk, giving each one of them his friendly smile. People who worked at The Fuse were just so friendly and totally awesome that Mark was so thrilled to work here too.

He threw now empty coffee cup into the trash can and made his way to his chair.

He checked out with whom he was supposed to do interviews today in his papers, and there were written two bands and one solo artist.

He was doing interviews with Green Day, Linkin Park and  Bon Iver.

God! Nobody in the whole world could imagine Mark's excitement in that moment!!!! No, in the whole universe! He was going to do interviews with Green Day, Linkin Park and Bon Iver!!!!

Mark felt like he was able to jump right into the bright sky! He got overwhelmed with so much happiness his job brought him! He loved his work!!!

With a huge smile on his lips that now felt like it really belonged there he turned around to their table with food and took one cupcake with whipped cream on it.

It tasted really good and it was very sweet, but Mark was way too excited to pay any attention to its taste, when he was about in a few minutes to meet Green Day, Linkin Park and Bon Iver!

God, he loved his job so much.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for posting this so late, but I had just so many things to do with school and other stuff to do as well these past few months that I had no time for this. But the next week should be easier, so I might post the next chapter soon. I'm very sorry. I'll try to upload more often from now on.

_ Then: _

_ Five years ago: _

_Mark was walking down the college hallway, heading to his favorite place on this Earth: a college coffee shop. That place was perfect to Mark. There were tons of coffee, another ton of delicious food, and all that stuff was perfectly priced for students. And the whole place just smelled of coffee and old books, there were black and white posters hanging all over the walls, they even had there an old jukebox for 80's music, and there was a stage for bands, too. The coffee shop organized the concert night every Friday when starting bands could have a concert. Mostly it was indie or folk bands. All those stuff they had there and even the tables and the chairs: all this stuff had that comfortable and warm vintage look and to Mark the whole place just looked and was flawless. Mark always went there when he was supposed to write a paperwork for college or when he just needed to relax. He loved the place and it was always easy for him to focus there on his work. It almost felt like it was the only place he could ever focus or just feel good. That was the reason why he caught himself running there, this time without Chad. Chad was hitting on Sofia, another student and their friend, who always kept refusing him. But apparently Chad never took a 'no' for an answer, so he actually never stopped trying to get into Sofia's pants. Mark felt a little bit sorry for Chad, seeing him trying so much and knowing that his trying will get him nowhere after all, because Sofia was an adamant girl. But then hearing Chad hitting on their friend and all the  flirt messages he was sending her, it just looked hilarious, because Chad stopped caring if he was being awkward or not. Mark just shook his head and to be honest, admired his friend's endurance._

_He was just a few meters far from the shop, and he just could feel the delicious smell of coffee at the other end of the street._

_While he was opening the wooden door, he smiled intuitively, and when he stepped in, his whole spirit just cheered up. It felt like when small baby gets a hug from mom, the place felt safe, full of warm and welcomes and so much comfortable, like his own bed. It felt like when Christian comes to church, to the place where he feels good because he feels hope, knowing that there is someone who really cares. To Mark all those pleasant feelings meant this exact place._

_And the people that worked here! They all were awesome, too. After a few months of coming to this place, he could call them his friends. They were also students, but they worked here, too._

_He was about to walk to the barista boy  Josh, who, according to Mark was the funniest person that has ever walked the Earth, and order his favorite black coffee, when he realized that the barista boy was not actually Josh. Mark froze next to the bar chair when he realized that the barista boy was Tom._

_What the heck? This job was Josh's. And where's Josh? What happened? And since when Tom worked here?  Mark was hundred percent sure he wouldn't miss such a face as Tom's in here, so he must've just started working here._

_Oh, no._

_If he knew that Tom was working here, he would never start anything with the guy.  Mark was very cautious about people working here, so he wouldn't hook up with anyone from them, because he didn't want any hint of uncomfortableness at this magical place. All the people who worked here had become his friends during the first months he was visiting the place, and he liked them all. He wanted to be friends with those people, so he was pretty cautious not to accidentally hook up with anyone from them. And now Tom worked here._

_Oh, shit. Well, this was really great._

_Mark went closer to the bar, little hesitant. It felt weird seeing Tom here, knowing he worked here. This was his place. His heaven on earth. He had no right to disturb his peace here!_

_Oh, god._

_Mark just realized how childish he was. Like, seriously?_

_Tom worked here, then what? It's not like that would be the end of the world. This was his happy place after all. And he wasn't going to let anyone make him think the opposite._

_He stood next to the bar, not hesitant anymore, when Tom turned around._

_He was just going to say hi, when the smile on his face froze, surprise well visible on his face. He looked at  Mark sheepishly, and Mark thought that he saw a little shadow of red appearing on his cheeks for a second._

_"Hi," Tom said after a while, but with more confident face. Mark couldn't help but think it was kind of cute seeing Tom being shy, mainly because he knew what was he like in bed._

_"Hi," Mark said back, smiling at him a little. Tom returned the smile immediately._

_"So... what can I do for you?" Tom asked with friendly innocent smile on his face._

_Oh, you could do so many things for me or better said, to me, if it weren't for all these people around here._

_Mark shook his head promptly. Did he just really started dirty thinking right now?_

_But when he looked at Tom's face again, he saw it._

_Maybe Tom was smiling at him innocently, but Mark could see the spark in his eyes telling him that Tom was thinking just the same way. Mark just couldn't believe it._

_They were just staring at each other for more couple of seconds, Mark lost in his memories of their last night spent together, when they agreed to their agreement._

_Mark was looking at Tom with such an intense look in his eyes that he thought he won't ever be able to take his eyes off of him. He couldn't help it, but the way Tom's hair was softly falling into his big brown and deep eyes, that were looking at him with the same intensity as did his, the way his metal ring was shining under the lights that were shining through the big windows in the room, Mark just couldn't help it but stare at him._

_Again, Mark couldn't believe that there was such a chemistry between them._

_But suddenly he heard a loud cough behind him and that brought him back into the reality.  He realized that meanwhile he was staring at Tom with such a lust in his eyes, a bunch of people were waiting behind him._

_Mark felt little embarrassed, but honestly, right in that moment when Tom was staring at him like he would take him to the toilets right now, he couldn't care less about people around, so the embarrassment quickly disappeared._

_Eventually Mark coughed, making Tom focus on the outside world again, and he blushed again. Mark couldn't help but think it was cute for the second time today._

_He ordered his coffee with a calm voice, giving Tom a playful look. Tom smiled at him smugly and Mark just stared again._

_Did this guy know how hot he was right now????_

_Tom gave him his coffee and Mark walked away, leaving the barista behind._

_He was about to walk out of the coffee shop and slowly go back to the college for his next lecture, when he heard someone calling his name. He turned around and saw Alexa, one of the students who worked here and his friend, waving at him just a few steps far from him next to the jukebox. Mark smiled brightly at her, slowly walking to her._

_„Hey,“ he said, smiling even more brightly at her. Alexa was one of the people here who he liked the most. She was just so sweet and she always knew how to make people around her smile. She reminded him so much of his little sister._

_„Hey, Octopus boy!“ she greeted him happily. Mark smiled over the nickname. Alexa always called him the Octopus boy. Once she saw Mark's car keys and saw the little purple octopus hanging there with the other keys of his, she started calling him the Octopus boy or Mark, the octopus boy. Mark told her how much he liked octopuses. Those creatures were just so awesome, but to Mark, they were all misunderstood. He liked octopuses from his very young age and he hasn't ever stopped liking them. The octopus was his favorite animal. He knew some would call him childish for this, but he did not care at all. Actually, he liked that one part of him that was still a small boy with complete family that wasn't broken, that always smiled and laughed._

_„Listen, it's time of the month again, and The party night is about to come again,“ she said with a smirk. The party night was something like a tradition here. On the last day of every month, the owner here threw a party. It was always pretty awesome and always full of young people, since this coffee shop was usually crowded with students._

_Mark started slowly shaking his head no, already knowing what Alexa meant._

_„Come on, Mark! It would be great if you played something here!" Alexa said with her 'please - please face'. On The party night, the stage here was open for anyone who wanted to share some of their musical outlets. Or you could bring a painting of yours here, too. Doesn't matter what, anyone could bring anything artistic here on The party night. It was some kind of artistic party, where you could bring here anything creative you have done that month and have fun with all the people around._

_Alexa knew that Mark played guitar, and she wanted him to play something here, since she also knew that he hasn't touched his guitar in years. But she knew that he always took his guitar with him everywhere he went, so she was so trying these past few years to get him to play something. And to her, The party night was a great opportunity._

_„Maybe the next time,“ Mark said with a smile, that was kind of sad. Or at least felt like that._

_Alexa furrowed her eyebrows. „You always say that.“_

_Mark just smiled again._

_„When does your shift end today?“ He asked her when she turned around to turn on the jukebox, trying to make Mark feel guilty and finally making him play something._

_She turned around to face him again, with a smile on her lips again._

_„At half past seven. Come pick me up, we'll go to the pizza place.“  She said, smirking at Mark again._

_„Okay,“ Mark laughed. This was one of the things that she had in common with his sister. Always be the one in charge._

_After a while they both said goodbye to each other, Alexa had to go back to work and Mark to the college with Alexa giving him a quick kiss on his cheek._

_Mark then left the coffee shop, heading again to the college, finally taking a sip of his coffee. But when he was just about to take the second sip, he noticed some writing on the cup._

_It was Tom's phone number. Suddenly his mind was full of Tom and how he was looking at him and vice versa, and his eyes locked to his and all that lust.... Well, it looked like he and Tom would get laid some time soon. Mark smiled and continued walking toward his college again, with a huge grin on his face_.

 


	10. Chapter 10

_ Then: _

_ Five years ago: _

__

_Mark was walking through the streets of California with Alexa by his side, both of them laughing and enjoying their time together. They said lots of different jokes, they were talking about their colleges and what's new in their lives. Mark found it really precious that he could talk to her this freely and still feel completely comfortable. And it was great too that doesn't matter how often they saw each other, sometimes every day, they still had a handful of topics they wanted to talk about together. Mark loved Alexa. She was practically his sister now, and she was more of a family to him than his actual family. She knew everything about him. Even the thing with his family._

_Mark was so surprised when he caught himself telling her the truth about his class A ass father who abandoned him as soon as he discovered that Mark was gay and his oh-I-don't-care-mother who was just too cool for everyone, except for his little sister._

_Mark just felt like he could really trust her. She and Travis were the only people on the whole Earth whom he told everything, whom he really trusted. For everyone else he was just that cool guy and a party man who didn't care about relationships and actually was really smart and popular. Mark was thankful for that mask of his._

_When he told Alexa the truth, she just hugged him tightly and let him cry. Then she said that the family doesn't end with blood. Nothing more. And that was another great thing about Alexa. She gave him space. She let him talk and didn't push him into saying more. She just gave him space and let him talk whenever he wanted. And she didn't tell him all that crap about its gonna be okay, that they'll realize their mistakes and everything will be good with them again. Because that will never happen. He knew it. And she knew it. And instead of saying that crap, she gave him the whole new level of hope. That hope that was possible, not a lie. And that was the thing he loved about Alexa. She never said things that weren't true. She said it just the way it was, and always gave him another, a better point of view._

_"So, my Octopus boy, will you tell me how do you know my classmate from the Art college?" Alexa asked with a bright smile after their laughing._

_Mark furrowed his eyebrows. "Who?"_

_"Tom! The new barista boy! The one you were taking his clothes off with those hungry eyes of yours! My classmate!" Alexa giggled and looked at Mark with her roentgen look._

_Ouch..._

_Tom was Alexa's classmate??? Since when????_

_Oh, shit!_

_Should he tell her? He already knew that Alexa wasn't such a fan of his one night stands and no relationships.  And if he told her about that deal he and Tom agreed to, that would be even worse! But if he won't tell her and then she'll find out somehow.... that would get him into a way bigger trouble._

_And how was that it had never occurred to him before? Alexa was the Art college student and so was Tom. How is that possible that it had never occurred to him that he could make a deal with one of Alexa's classmates????_

_Ouch... He was thinking too much._

_„I'm waiting here, Octopus boy, and I can see the blush that is creeping out all the way up your neck, buddy!“  Alexa said with a huge grin on her face._

_Mark was slowly starting to feel more and more shy and he could feel the heat getting on his cheeks already. He so much didn't want to imagine how he looked at that moment._

_„Ermmm-“ Mark coughed, still not knowing what to say._

_„Ou! Don't be shy! I know practically everything about you, Marky! And vice-versa.“ Alexa looked him in the eyes and gave him a reassuring smile._

_Ouch..._

_Mark took a deep breath and starting walking a little bit faster. He knew that Alexa noticed that, but he didn't care. It was better for him to tell her while speed walking than standing right next to her, forced to look at her. Like, he wasn't ashamed of the fact that he and Tom were fuck buddies, but he was fearing Alexa's reaction._

_„So, you know about my one night stands and no relationships, and you sure know that not every time I'm at a party I get a one night stand, so, I and Tom made a deal and we're some kind of fuck buddies, except without the buddies. It's all really just about sex.“ Mark blurted out and started walking even faster. He was actually impressed by himself how fast he could walk and it still wasn't running, actually._

_He saw Alexa promptly stop behind him, so he stopped too, but he was still a few feet ahead of her._

_„Wait- What???“ Alexa asked a little louder, but she wasn't shouting at him._

_Mark turned to her and came a few steps closer to stand next to her. He looked at her with guilty eyes, not sure why when he actually didn't feel guilty at all._

_„Oh, Maaaaaark! You know this can't go well, or at least end up nicely. You'll get hurt!!! It always ends up like this in relationships like this one you're describing me here – and yes, this is a relationship, weird, yes, but it still is, no matter what you'll say.“ Alexa said, looking at him with worried eyes._

_Well, this wasn't reaction he was expecting. He thought she would start screaming at him, and there she was, just worrying about his feelings. Again, he realized how much he loved Alexa._

_He came to her and hugged her tightly. „Don't worry, Al, everything's gonna be alright. It's not like I will start to feel something toward the guy, really. No need to worry.“ He said, letting go of that hug._

_„I wish you're right Octopus boy, really.“ Alexa said, a worry still well visible on her face._

_Mark just smiled at her. What else was there to say?_

_They started walking again, ignoring other people around. It was quiet for a while._

_„And be cautious about his eyes. The boy can look at you like you're the only person in the room. And I can tell because when I was walking him through the whole coffee shop, dude, his eyes were giving me chills all around my back!!!“ Alexa said with even bigger worry in her eyes._

_Mark just laughed, pretending that he so much wasn't imagining Tom's eyes at that moment._

_He put his arm around her shoulders and said: „No need to worry, Al. And by the way, where did Josh disappear? I already miss the guy.“_

_Alexa seemed to relax a bit at the thought of Josh, and Mark was glad. He really didn't want the rest of their little private trip go in silence._

_„He's gone for a few days to Minnesota to visit his mom. She has a birthday in a few days. But he'll come back soon.“ Alexa said with a smile on her face. Mark could tell she calmed down a bit. And that was the reason why he hated himself for asking the question he was about to ask, but he needed to know if Tom's gonna still work in the coffee shop or not when Josh comes back._

_„So....when Josh comes back, does that mean that Tom...?“ He trailed off, scanning  Alexa's face _cautiously.__

_„No. Tom's still gonna work in the coffee shop, he and Josh will just have to take turns during the week.“_

_Mark nodded. So, there was still a chance he would go to the coffee shop and not see Tom at the same time. Good._

_The rest of the walk was nice, full of jokes again, and their laugh was filling the crowded night streets of California, lighted just by the street lights._

Now:

It was late in the evening and Mark had all the interviews behind him. He was so thrilled! The excitement was still not leaving him, althought the interviews did just a while ago. He spent one half of the day preparing the interviews, and the other asking the questions. And, man, was that awesome! He felt like a fourteen years old teenage girl, but he couldn't care less. Same as he couldn't keep the smile off of his face. The guys were all just so awesome!

He was packing his things and was about to go home, still excited but tired as well, when his boss came to him.

„Mark, you're still here, good.“ He said with a friendly smile but tired eyes. „I'm here to tell you that you're doing tomorrow morning at 6 am an interview with the new band Angles and Airwaves. I know it's early, but the band does not have time any time soon and it would be nothing but good to have a starting band on _Hoppus on Music_. “

„Yes, Mr. Collins, I'll be here.“ Mark said with an excited smile.

„That's a good attitude to work, Hoppus. Keep that and you'll be here for a very long time.“ The manager said with a smirk and then left Mark with his bag.

Mark couldn't belive what he just heard!!! He was so happy! For the first time he was actually really happy. Mark just smiled even wider, said goodbye to everyone who stayed at work and left with some who were leaving with him. He was walking with a few of his colleagues and they all were just laughing, and after a while, when their ways separated, he said goodbye to them too.

All the way home he was thinking what kind of a band the Angles and Airwaves was. He hasn't heard of them yet, but he was excited to find out who they were. As soon as he get home, he will sit behind his laptop and check them out.

The smile was just shining on Mark's face, full of excitement and actual happiness. But he just couldn't help himslef but he felt it in his guts that something was just about to happen. He just didn't know if he's gonna like it or not. It was giving him chills, but he shook the thought out of his head. Everything was going his way, so why would he worry when he could be happy?

 


	11. Chapter 11

_ Then: _

_ 5 years ago: _

_Mark was walking towards the Journalist college, still in the good mood from the yesterday night spent with Alexa. He was slowly starting to think that she might become one of his closest friends, maybe one of his best friends, maybe they would have  that kind of relationship like he and Travis had. Not actually the same, nobody meant more for him than Travis. It was a long time ago since he had learned that Travis was his best friend for life. He felt it in his bones every time he talked to him._

_As he got closer to his college, he noticed one tall silhouette walking across the street, heading to the Art college. It took him just a few seconds till he realized that the tall silhouette dressed in tight black jeans and black T-shirt with some boy wearing glasses and reading was Tom. And he was wearing The Descendents T-shirt. Mark  remembered immediately the first time he met Tom in that bar, how he was trying to talk to him and brought the music topic. How he got excited that they liked the same bands and how he said that The Descendents were his favorite._

_And then he remembered everything that happened next._

_Mark shook his head. This was not a good way to start a day, thinking about a night with Tom. He watched him as he entered the building. Then he disappeared. He wondered if Alexa will meet him today._

_But eventually Mark ended this thinking and entered his own college, ready to start his day. It was actually nice to start a day without being hungover._

 

Now:

Mark promptly sat down on his couch with his laptop set on his lap, googling the name Angels And Airwaves. He was so excited for his next interview, and he needed to learn everything about this band. He didn't even take off his coat and shoes, and just sat down and started searching.

But just as he googled the band and saw the pictures of the band and the names of the band members, he almost got a heart attack.

It felt like the air around him just disappeared and his throat tightened. It felt like someone just punched him right into his stomach.

_Fuck! Just fuck!_

Mark cursed and let himself fall on his couch. This had to be a nightmare. Yeah, this probably was just a nightmare. He was just sleeping. It just was not possible. No. No! No fucking way!

Mark picked himself painfully in the shoulder, hoping he would fucking finally wake up. But that did not happen.

He sat up again and looked at his laptop screen. This was not fucking possible.

Tom fucking DeLonge was the lead singer of this band. And he also played guitar.

_Of course he played guitar. He always played guitar. Fuck!_

Mark felt sudden bitterness on his tongue. And pain. But mostly bitterness.

How  dared he to come with his fucking band to the Fuse where Mark worked???? There was no way Tom could not know that Mark worked there. Fuck!

Mark was scrolling angrily through the pictures of the band. How fucking dared he????

And just when he finally stopped looking back at that little spot on the street where he ran into him on his way to work! Just when he stopped thinking of him! (not entirely, but still). He had to come into his life again!

Why? Why the fuck was the universe doing this to him? He did not do anything wrong! He was finally living his life. Everything seemed to be just great and everything was going his way finally! WHY COULDN'T HE BE FUCKING HAPPY?

He had cried too many tears for the guy, and had spent too many sleepless nights just staring at his ceiling in his room just for this one guy. He had felt like a complete shit for too long. Too fucking long.

Fuck. Great. Now he was hyperventilating.

Mark took a deep breath in and out and looked at his laptop screen again. And then he breathed in and out again. And again. And again.

He will not let Tom inside of his life again. Not now. Not ever. He will not let him spoil him his work.... Or his life.

Sure, Mark had spoiled his life too, he had admitted that long ago, but Tom seemed to get over him. Because why else would he do an interview with the Fuse TV anyway?

And if Tom could that, Mark could do that, too.

Mark put the laptop on his coffee table and took off his coat. He hung it next to the entrance door and went straight to the kitchen and made himself a cup of coffee. If there was one thing that could calm him, it was definitely coffee.

The sweet and exotic scent filled the room in just a few seconds, and Mark already felt his muscles relax. He took the coffee with him and sat down on his couch again.

He took his laptop again, this time with less shaky hands, and started reading about the infamous _Angels and Airwaves_. They were just a beginning band, but they already had a few successful concerts in some cafeterias and they were quite famous, too, which was, quite impressive. Mostly when a band starts, it takes a longer time to be at least a little bit known, and then there was this band, with the leader Mark  used to love, and they were famous enough just for the starters.

He then opened YouTube in the new tab, and typed _Angels And Airwaves_.

The first song that appeared was _The Adventure._

Mark hesitated for a second. He didn't think he was ready to hear Tom's voice. Especially not when he was singing. The last time he had heard him sing, he could not get his voice out of his head for at least a whole week.

Fucking  Tom DeLonge.

Fuck him. Who was he to do this to him?????

Oh, fuck.

He was hyperventilating again.

No, Mark.

Mark breathed in and out again. He needed to calm himself.

He took the still warm coffee cup into his palms and smelled the aroma. Then he sipped just a little bit of the contents of the cup. That  calmed him down a bit.

Good.

Friggin' good.

Mark clicked. The video of the official audio was loading.

So far, he seemed fine. He wasn't trembling or anything, so, maybe, just maybe, he thought that this won't be that bad.

But then he heard the song start, and he froze. He was listening, carefully listening, with tightened up stomach and breathless. After a few seconds he noticed he wasn't breathing since the song had started. He shook his head promptly and took a deep breath. And he was breathless again.

A few more seconds had passed, and Mark heard a voice. A voice singing. Familiar voice. Familiar, and still so new. So different. A grown – up voice. Strong. But still beautiful. Still unique. Still deep. Still high.

Still giving him chills all over his back. All over his body.

And it still felt like honey to his ears. Like a lullaby after a nightmare. Like a beam of sunlight in neverending dark.

Like a light summer rain after a hot day.

Like a rain on a desert.

Like a miracle. It still felt like a blessing to him.

Mark was trembling now. He held his cup of coffee tightly in his hands. Listening.

Nothing more.

He was breathless.

And after the song ended, he felt numb, and he was still holding onto his cup of coffee.

 


End file.
